I have promised this post for awhile and am now getting to it.... it's such a deep issue that I wasn't sure how to approach it. There really is no perfect way.... So let me take the leap.
I know so many people who have dealt with and are currently dealing with loss, infertility, and things alike. I struggle to think there is nothing I can do to help them but to just be a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes that works, but sometimes it's just not enough. Sometimes people need an extra boost, an extra push, extra reassurance, or to speak with others dealing with similar events.
I have spoken to a few individuals to see what people said to them that DIDN'T help.... and it goes along the lines of this:
-Everything happens for a reason
-It's preparing you for something worse to happen (What????)
-Just stop trying and it will happen (in regards to infertility)
-God needed another angel (loss)
-I know exactly how you feel.
-Are you better yet? Is it better yet??
-you're young, you have time.
And many, many more.
It was suggested to me that resolve.org has an etiquettes article which is amazing.
Often, we don't know what to say, and that's ok!
I know that sometimes, while speaking to someone going through such a hard time, we just long for the right thing to say.... and unhelpful things come out instead. Instead, why not just check in with the person, ask them how they are doing, offer them your support, and ask if there's anything you can do for them. Sometimes just a simple card, flowers, note, message, etc. is what they need.
This video was shared with me to kind of describe those who are going through a loss (miscarriage, still birth, etc.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg7fp5-aPzk&feature=youtu.be
I have spoken to a few people about infertility specifically and they described the process as often lonely. They said that seeking out others that were going through situations similar helped them. A site they used is called "twoweekwait.com". They described it as women struggling with fertility and how you can find people there to talk to.
Another fertility resource suggested was a book called: Taking Charge of Your Fertility.
Educating yourself is a great way to help out. Just knowing how often infertility and loss happens, helps. Also, you could always look for ways to support others suffering and dealing with things like this. One way I help is just by being there. I offer my support and make myself available to listen. I have also donated money to the cause, purchased a shirt, sent out some cards, and now, I have blogged about it.
Please show your support to those who have suffered and are suffering today. And when you do have children, never take them for granted.
Happy National infertility Awareness week!
I know this isn't even the slightest portion of what it's all about, but I am leaving it up to you to look more into it and reach out to those who need you.
Thank you for this, Vicki. Those affected by infertility often suffer alone. It's commonplace to be told "You don't want another one anyway" or "You can have one of mine." These statements aren't meant to hurt, I know, but they really do. It is a God given right of a woman to have children and when you're unable to and really want to, it's the most painful thing emotionally you can imagine, especially when you're surrounded by so many who don't want or care about the numerous children they have been so seemingly easily blessed with. It's a huge struggle for me every day, but I have a beautiful daughter and now God has given me the opportunity to step in and be a mother figure to your nephews. I am blessed beyond measure. The ache and pain is always in the background, though. Again, thank you for dedicating a post to this. I feel like a lot of people don't know how to really talk about such a sensitive subject.
ReplyDeleteYou are completely welcome. I wish there was more I could do, but I feel it's a work in progress. I will continue to try
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