Dear "Semi"-Sweet Girl

Dear Daughter,

Today, I have been quite emotional. I can't believe how much time has passed and what a little "lady" you've become in the past 2 1/2 years. 

We had a really rough start. Our bond wasn't that great. We had a lot of complications in the "basic" baby necessities and didn't really connect until you were about one.  I am not ashamed to say that although it WAS love at first sight, our bond didn't begin until much later.  Breastfeeding, colic, and acid reflux were awful. The weekly weight checks with the doctor were draining. The constant feeling of failure was unbearable. I hated coming home each week and crying because you weren't gaining weight and the feeling that it was my fault. We cried together most days during your infancy.  Sleep was something important to me, but not so important to you. Your cry and scream was so heart-shattering. Nothing I did seemed to help you. Every time I looked at you, I just felt as if I had failed and had no idea what I was doing, despite my many years of experience with infants.

My world definitely changed and was ROCKED on my 23rd birthday.  Everything changed. My attitude changed, my perspective changed, my outlook on life... nothing in my mind remained untouched.  Things were SO much harder than I ever imagined.  

Today, I just look back and think, "how the heck did I ever make it through those lonely, stressful days by myself??"  The truth is, I have no idea. Those days were SO tough. It makes me terrified of ever giving you a sibling.

With all that said, our bond has grown SO much in the last year and a half. You are my little mini-me. SO sassy, but so determined, so very smart, and so loving (most days).  I love waking up in the morning knowing that you'll be in your room and we get to start a new day together. Although frustrating sometimes, I love that you give your dad a hard time at bedtime because you "want to see your mommy" while I'm out running. I am so proud of you and so lucky to have you in my life. I love watching you grow and seeing the things you are passionate about already. Although you drive me to want to pull out my hair most days, your smile and infectious laugh are both something to cherish. Your memory is just like your dad's but your attitude is just like mine. Although I fear for your teenage years, I know that you'll be just fine. Why? Because you're just like me already. You WILL drive people crazy... people will talk about you. Some wont like you... but that's ok. You will always have a special place in most people's hearts. You are going to be something big some day. You already are, to us.  I can't imagine what great things you will accomplish in your life, but I can only hope that you will be proud of me and look up to us some day.  You are EVERYTHING to us. We can't imagine a single day without you. I hope that you see our love for you when you're older.  

I took a photo of you today (just as I always do)... that really captured my heart. You were holding your baby doll and "cooking" in your kitchen at the same time. I'm sure many people have pictures like this of their children in their collection... but I can't help but to think of it as such a special moment. I can only dream of the amazing nurturer you will be in the future. Whether or not you decide to be a mother some day, I know that your huge heart will shine on everyone you meet. I love watching you with your baby dolls. You are so gentle and caring with them. I can only hope that maybe it's a sign that I wasn't a terrible mother when you were a baby ;-)  I know most nurturing attitudes come naturally, but I can't be certain that I didn't have anything to do with that.

Thank you for being my beautifully amazing daughter.